Monday, July 05, 2010

I enter your dark forests

I enter your dark forests


Knock at your door,

And wait

My destiny

In your hands,


I reach for you

My skin


In your presence

A torch

Waves of anxiety

Whimper down my spine,

Falling to the floor,


They crawl away.

My eyes touch you,


Curves of lips,

Rest for a moment


My fingers stroke

Your hair and freeze,

My rejection imminent,

Words forming across

Cold skin.

In broken words

You whimper,

Painting your pain

You draw my crimes

A collage

Failed attempts

At love

Form a solid installation

Between us,

My broken

Promises give wings to

Ugly art

I inspired.

The fire in your eyes


Holes in my soul,

Darkness overwhelms us

I drink you in

For the last time,

Your eyes knowing,

Lips sneering,

Hands clasped.

My love left you


Burdened with confusion


I burn my apologies

Carry the ashes

In my heart

I move on

You come to me

You come to me

In the dark

Your scent

Enters me

Your voice

Lullaby of nightmares


My dreams

My eyelids

Your canvas

Primed red


I taste you

In my dreams

My lips whimper


You smudge your pain

Across a mirror

My reflection

Your image

Your malice

Fills in my curves

Breathing gently

I moan

I surrender

Your will binds me


Soft whispers

Words curl

Twisting my hair

In place

Your prison

Placing your malice

In my gut

Our labour of pain


I carry your burden

And feel it grow

Ripping my insides

To shreds

Knowing that soon

I can give it back

My muscles relax

Around you

My breath

Slows down

My skin


My tongue rests

Upon final goodbyes

I weep

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A mass apology in response to my otherness

I write a letter in apology on behalf of the otherness I blatantly display with my brown skin, black hair and soulful dark eyes. The way I unthinkingly mix languages when I talk, switching between them as easily as you would blink. I apologise for my inability to remain indivisible and insistence on being treated like an individual. I realise that the aforementioned qualities I carry make you feel uncomfortable, as you sit there willing me to fit into a box, imploring me not to challenge your preconceived notions about me. A double burden you’ve placed on my shoulders; firstly I am female, secondly I am the other, a representation of cultural images I did nothing to encourage in your head. You wish my compliance when you talk to me of an exotic imagery; your face shocked when I refute your notions of me. I apologise for not living in a tent, surrounded by palm trees with an oil well in an oasis. My eyes meet yours and you step back, you see this as disdain for daring to meet your gaze instead of studying the floor. My lips widen in a smile, to you I appear threatening, I realise and apologise for not making an effort at appearing unresponsive. When I voice my opinion loudly, another apology is due to your enlightened self, for I realise that a brown female should not counter response in such a brazen manner.

In order to put you at ease I suggest you erase me from your memory banks, I will only serve to shatter the illusions you have worked hard to conjure up of subservient Arab females. You may once again imagine a harem full of women belly dancing in front of their sheik, bodies ready for male pleasure in hidden corners. If such images are not always useful, you may go back to seeing a terrorist hiding behind my eyes. If the abovementioned options do not please you, I suggest you vehemently deny my existence, you may find yourself more comfortable in denouncing the otherness I will always represent to you.

With kindest regards,

The other.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Clipty Clop

Clipty clop

I saw and chop

Your image

Into my board

Clipty clap

I sing and dance

Your voice

A rhythmic chant





Stroking your

Forlorn corners

I break

fragile wings


My words stumble

Across my tongue


Blushes of love


Our skin

Crimson red

Your brush away

My scent

Then crawl

Against me

My back


Your core

I shift

Our weight

Inside me

And breathe you out

Clipty clop

I think I lost

Clipty clap

You snap me back

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Your games set me free

It would be easy
To grant you your wishes,
Cry and whimper
At your feet,

Beg for forgiveness,
Perhaps admit
To a contradiction
In believes,

Offer my hips
And breasts
To you
On a plate,

My tongue
In a cup,
My eyes
On a gold chain,

My hands and legs
Tied to my seat,
Beneath your throne,

A flower
Looking up
To the sun,
Her God

And yet
My heart
As soon as it bleeds,

My brain
To submit
To a weak willed image,

I won't be your
Damsel in distress
For the stress
Is you

Your perpendicular corners,
Set off with barbed wire
Broken glass,
When you hold me close
I tear,

I look back
Your sneering lips,
Your ego
Plain for all to see,

And I laugh,
Until my stomach churns,
My sides collapse,
My legs
No longer carry me,

Your games
Set me free,
A burning torch,
Clearly outlined
The destruction you will try
To make me endure

I leave you
In a dark corner,
Playing against
Your reflection,
An opponent you will eventually

My skin
Wrapped around me,
Warmth emanating
From my core,

Your blue soul
Like a wolf
For his next soul

Your cruelty
In the past
A thorn filled prison
Has now
Set me free

You place your fears inside me

You place your fears
Inside me
A hole,

Burned into my skin

Your tongue
Burning reality
A perception

You weave
Around me,
Chess mate
You smirk

My impulses fire back,
Defensive manoeuvres,
To intimidate

And yet
You break me again
My silence,
A weapon
I cannot use

You push away my ghosts
Through your skilful use of board games

My refusal to sway with your wishes
Your silent demands

Perpetual cycles
Of push and shove
Tantrum ridden

My imagination
Created perfection
Reality an inconvenience,
I choose to ignore

I will sit here
Your blows
Lifting me
Off the ground

Do no mistake
My lack of obvious defences
For meekness
Or acceptance

Merely a delay
In response
Gearing up towards
Your finale

Sunday, March 11, 2007

I coil and recoil

With painstaking clarity
I face my confusion,
I redesign the circles
Above my head

A few lines appear,
Out of focus

Sand seeps into my eyes,
A whirlpool of light,
Clear and imprecise

Seconds stretch
My internal wounds
Take over

Scars deform my nerves
As I approach you,
Spitting blood

This time it was blue,
Your blood engulfs me in red

Your defences wear me down
To brittle bones
My ashes drift
Into your lap

Tasting your desire
My spirit recoils
Your breath coils
Around me

Your tongue salivating
Over your win
My spirit lies broken
Pieces wafting
Through the air

Your smell engulfs my sense,
Musky sweat
Intimacy drowns me

My shadow hurls
Through the crowds
Tasting you on others

Your skin running
Through me
I hesitate
Then dive straight into your gut

Your essence completes my lines
Shapes appear
In my lungs,
I breathe you in
And out

Your screams fill my veins
Pumping through my body
You invade every corner
Imprinting history
On brittle hairs around my wrists

My neck throbs with the effort
Of holding my head still
As I look inside your soul
A mocking parody of affection

Your hairs twirl
Around my lips
I taste you inside me.

Your misjudgement of me

And so I have become
A motionless creation
Hurried grace
Burning alongside me

Your words burn me,
Touches ignite my sorrows,
Bills ringing

Your eyes accusing,
My sins eluding,
A sense of accomplishment
Draws above my head
A failure sign

Acknowledgments of my failure
To decipher the symbols
You dully painted around me.

Vines crackle as
I rustle through the mud,
Your fingers pick
My destiny

Your hands pull my hairs,
A piece at a time,
Flicking by
My history
Through split ends

Words create confusion
In my hindbrain,
You touch my forehead
And they spill forth
Into your hands
You pick and choose
The ones you want

Confusing my content state
I hide my eyes
Behind a veil of lashes,

My accusations lie here,
In front of you,
My apologies sincere,
My silence

Your response bland,
Sweeping my dignity
Towards the door,
Your fingers probe my strings,
You break me viciously.

Friday, November 24, 2006

You Shake Me Back

You profess a love
That is stifling
A love secured
To my wrists
Chains clink clank
As I walk

Your presence
My senses
Like a leech,
Drawing out
A life line

My memories
Lie in a pool
At your feet
You walk,
Splish splash and they break
Violent storms on the pavement

My lips draw out
A silent sound
A siren call
You sink your teeth into my skin
Rapturing a shield

My mistakes draw a painting
Above my head
In it, you feature

A dark figure
Wielding a dead petal
Your weapon of choice,

My eyes drink you in,
Sensing malice
Your smile.
My fingers twitch
Across my breasts
in my mind's eyes.

You hold the key
My chamber, a glass alcove
I tip tap testing the strength
You shake me back in my place.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

My impenetrateable gates

Your eyes draw forth
A perfect grade,
Our happiness
A stable cage.

Moments of doubt,
Cloudless joy,
Such a cruel joke.

Your cautious passion,
My impenetrateable gates,

In My Mind's Eye

In my mind’s eye,
I crawl in a cave
Borrow deep inside
Shut the opening with a rock
Smell the sun hitting rocks,
That musky smell of stale morning dew

You think I am smiling
Never looking into my eyes
It’s a challenge,
To smile like you mean it and
Cry inside

It hurts, most times,
Knifes slitting your skin
Just deep enough to draw blood,
Never leaving a trace behind
So thin,

All around me people fall
Like soldiers on a battleground
Struck by random bullets
Fired by angry men,
None know the true target,
Their own heart

That door stuck shut and I’m left here
I see no way out
Just a faint light
Stretch out my hands to touch it
You think the light is salvation?
Guess again

I would like to live at the bottom of the sea,
Buried between sand grains
Deep in fantasy.


It’s only a blank piece of paper
You think.
Not realising the full potential of
Harm it could cause,
Self deprecation,
The increased inability to concentrate,
What it all comes to but this one page,
This blank slate,
Shouting at me

The expectation,
This blank page challenges me,
My inability to carve some words into
Its purity

Simple task you think,
Writing thoughts into paper
Yet hard enough to admit to
My unconscious,
Now I have to wave under the nose of scrutiny,
To you, world,
To take apart,
Mock it,

A number of words multiplied,
Tempting me
Their flawless appearance,
Majestic in their loneliness,
The army of my nightmares,
Defeated tale of wannabe heroes
Loose limbs
Zombified stares,
Mass of angry defeatists

The secret lies here,
Within your beauty,
Stark ugliness,
Bare simplicity,
Secrets unlocking
My composition of light

You are the end to my thirst,

All I know is within you.
Between the spaces of the letters,
Your caresses of steel and thunder,
Strength and power,
Softness and curves,
Your rage
Juxtaposition by one

I trace you along the way,
Memorising each one of you individually,
The same,
Each different in its own way

Holding that missing
Piece of puzzle,
Refusing to separate,
Not quite fitting together.
Pushing and shoving to fit into a box,
That box you all assume,
Society’s line of best fit.