Seconds multiply, creating eternity

I enter your dark forests

2010-07-05T20:23:00.001+01:00

I enter your dark forests

Knowingly,

Knock at your door,

And wait

My destiny

In your hands,

Blindly

I reach for you

My skin

Glowing,

In your presence

A torch

Waves of anxiety

Whimper down my spine,

Falling to the floor,

Silently

They crawl away.

My eyes touch you,

Sweeping

Curves of lips,

Rest for a moment

Smile.

My fingers stroke

Your hair and freeze,

My rejection imminent,

Words forming across

Cold skin.

In broken words

You whimper,

Painting your pain

You draw my crimes

A collage

Failed attempts

At love

Form a solid installation

Between us,

My broken

Promises give wings to

Ugly art

I inspired.

The fire in your eyes

Burns

Holes in my soul,

Darkness overwhelms us

I drink you in

For the last time,

Your eyes knowing,

Lips sneering,

Hands clasped.

My love left you

Ugly

Burdened with confusion

Hate.

I burn my apologies

Carry the ashes

In my heart

I move on

You come to me

2010-07-05T20:18:00.004+01:00

You come to me

In the dark

Your scent

Enters me

Your voice

Lullaby of nightmares

Caressing

My dreams

My eyelids

Your canvas

Primed red

Waiting

I taste you

In my dreams

My lips whimper

Silently

You smudge your pain

Across a mirror

My reflection

Your image

Your malice

Fills in my curves

Breathing gently

I moan

I surrender

Your will binds me

Vicious

Soft whispers

Words curl

Twisting my hair

In place

Your prison

Placing your malice

In my gut

Our labour of pain

Grows

I carry your burden

And feel it grow

Ripping my insides

To shreds

Knowing that soon

I can give it back

My muscles relax

Around you

My breath

Slows down

My skin

Aglow

My tongue rests

Upon final goodbyes

I weep

A mass apology in response to my otherness

2009-11-11T02:10:00.002Z

I write a letter in apology on behalf of the otherness I blatantly display with my brown skin, black hair and soulful dark eyes. The way I unthinkingly mix languages when I talk, switching between them as easily as you would blink. I apologise for my inability to remain indivisible and insistence on being treated like an individual. I realise that the aforementioned qualities I carry make you feel uncomfortable, as you sit there willing me to fit into a box, imploring me not to challenge your preconceived notions about me. A double burden you’ve placed on my shoulders; firstly I am female, secondly I am the other, a representation of cultural images I did nothing to encourage in your head. You wish my compliance when you talk to me of an exotic imagery; your face shocked when I refute your notions of me. I apologise for not living in a tent, surrounded by palm trees with an oil well in an oasis. My eyes meet yours and you step back, you see this as disdain for daring to meet your gaze instead of studying the floor. My lips widen in a smile, to you I appear threatening, I realise and apologise for not making an effort at appearing unresponsive. When I voice my opinion loudly, another apology is due to your enlightened self, for I realise that a brown female should not counter response in such a brazen manner.

In order to put you at ease I suggest you erase me from your memory banks, I will only serve to shatter the illusions you have worked hard to conjure up of subservient Arab females. You may once again imagine a harem full of women belly dancing in front of their sheik, bodies ready for male pleasure in hidden corners. If such images are not always useful, you may go back to seeing a terrorist hiding behind my eyes. If the abovementioned options do not please you, I suggest you vehemently deny my existence, you may find yourself more comfortable in denouncing the otherness I will always represent to you.

With kindest regards,

The other.

Clipty Clop

2009-08-13T01:47:00.011+01:00

Clipty clop

I saw and chop

Your image

Into my board

Clipty clap

I sing and dance

Your voice

A rhythmic chant

Static

Animation

Stuttered

Rage

Stroking your

Forlorn corners

I break

fragile wings

Gasping

My words stumble

Across my tongue

Softly

Blushes of love

Stain

Our skin

Crimson red

Your brush away

My scent

Then crawl

Against me

My back

Becomes

Your core

I shift

Our weight

Inside me

And breathe you out

Clipty clop

I think I lost

Clipty clap

You snap me back

Your games set me free

2007-11-07T14:21:00.000Z

It would be easy
To grant you your wishes,
Cry and whimper
At your feet,

Beg for forgiveness,
Perhaps admit
To a contradiction
In believes,

Offer my hips
And breasts
To you
On a plate,

My tongue
In a cup,
My eyes
Spheres
On a gold chain,

My hands and legs
Tied to my seat,
Beneath your throne,
Flailing,
Helplessly

A flower
Looking up
To the sun,
Worshiping
Her God

And yet
My heart
Heals
As soon as it bleeds,

My brain
Refuses
To submit
To a weak willed image,

I won't be your
Damsel in distress
For the stress
Is you

Your perpendicular corners,
Set off with barbed wire
Broken glass,
When you hold me close
I tear,

I look back
Your sneering lips,
Your ego
Defiant,
Plain for all to see,

And I laugh,
Until my stomach churns,
My sides collapse,
My legs
No longer carry me,

Your games
Set me free,
A burning torch,
Clearly outlined
The destruction you will try
To make me endure

I leave you
Alone,
In a dark corner,
Playing against
Your reflection,
An opponent you will eventually
Destroy,

My skin
Wrapped around me,
Warmth emanating
From my core,

Your blue soul
Wafting,
Like a wolf
Searching
For his next soul

Your cruelty
In the past
A thorn filled prison
Has now
Set me free

You place your fears inside me

2007-11-07T14:10:00.000Z

You place your fears
Inside me
A hole,
Burned into my skin

Your tongue
Flickers,
Burning reality
A perception

You weave
Around me,
Chess mate
You smirk

My impulses fire back,
Defensive manoeuvres,
Designed
To intimidate

And yet
You break me again
My silence,
A weapon
I cannot use

You push away my ghosts
Demanding
Acknowledgement
Through your skilful use of board games

My refusal to sway with your wishes
Broken
Your silent demands
Delivered

Perpetual cycles
Of push and shove
Tantrum ridden
Anguish

My imagination
Created perfection
Reality an inconvenience,
I choose to ignore

I will sit here
Your blows
Lifting me
Off the ground

Do no mistake
My lack of obvious defences
For meekness
Or acceptance

Merely a delay
In response
Gearing up towards
Your finale

I coil and recoil

2007-03-11T21:02:00.000Z

With painstaking clarity
I face my confusion,
I redesign the circles
Above my head

A few lines appear,
Uncaring,
Out of focus

Sand seeps into my eyes,
A whirlpool of light,
Clear and imprecise

Seconds stretch
My internal wounds
Take over

Scars deform my nerves
As I approach you,
Spitting blood

This time it was blue,
Pacifying
Your blood engulfs me in red

Your defences wear me down
To brittle bones
My ashes drift
Into your lap

Tasting your desire
My spirit recoils
Your breath coils
Around me

Your tongue salivating
Over your win
My spirit lies broken
Pieces wafting
Through the air

Your smell engulfs my sense,
Musky sweat
Intimacy drowns me

My shadow hurls
Through the crowds
Tasting you on others

Your skin running
Through me
I hesitate
Then dive straight into your gut

Your essence completes my lines
Shapes appear
In my lungs,
I breathe you in
And out

Your screams fill my veins
Pumping through my body
You invade every corner
Imprinting history
On brittle hairs around my wrists

My neck throbs with the effort
Of holding my head still
As I look inside your soul
A mocking parody of affection

Your hairs twirl
Around my lips
I taste you inside me.

Your misjudgement of me

2007-03-11T20:59:00.000Z

And so I have become
A motionless creation
Hurried grace
Burning alongside me

Your words burn me,
Touches ignite my sorrows,
Bills ringing
Eternally

Your eyes accusing,
My sins eluding,
A sense of accomplishment
Draws above my head
A failure sign

Acknowledgments of my failure
To decipher the symbols
You dully painted around me.

Vines crackle as
I rustle through the mud,
Your fingers pick
My destiny

Your hands pull my hairs,
A piece at a time,
Flicking by
My history
Through split ends

Words create confusion
In my hindbrain,
You touch my forehead
And they spill forth
Into your hands
You pick and choose
The ones you want

Confusing my content state
I hide my eyes
Behind a veil of lashes,
Fluttering
Endlessly

My accusations lie here,
In front of you,
My apologies sincere,
My silence
Forthcoming

Your response bland,
Sweeping my dignity
Towards the door,
Your fingers probe my strings,
You break me viciously.

You Shake Me Back

2006-11-24T00:49:00.000Z

You profess a love
That is stifling
A love secured
To my wrists
Chains clink clank
As I walk

Your presence
Overwhelms
My senses
Like a leech,
Drawing out
A life line

My memories
Lie in a pool
At your feet
You walk,
Splish splash and they break
Violent storms on the pavement

My lips draw out
A silent sound
A siren call
Impotent.
You sink your teeth into my skin
Rapturing a shield

My mistakes draw a painting
Above my head
In it, you feature
Alone.

A dark figure
Wielding a dead petal
Your weapon of choice,
Beauty
Foregone.

My eyes drink you in,
Sensing malice
Your smile.
My fingers twitch
Across my breasts
in my mind's eyes.

You hold the key
My chamber, a glass alcove
I tip tap testing the strength
You shake me back in my place.

My impenetrateable gates

2006-11-01T14:59:00.000Z

Your eyes draw forth
A perfect grade,
Our happiness
A stable cage.

Moments of doubt,
Cloudless joy,
Rarity,
Time
Such a cruel joke.

Your cautious passion,
Explodes.
My impenetrateable gates,
Destroyed.

In My Mind's Eye

2006-11-01T14:57:00.000Z

In my mind’s eye,
I crawl in a cave
Borrow deep inside
Shut the opening with a rock
Smell the sun hitting rocks,
That musky smell of stale morning dew

You think I am smiling
Never looking into my eyes
It’s a challenge,
To smile like you mean it and
Cry inside

It hurts, most times,
Knifes slitting your skin
Just deep enough to draw blood,
Never leaving a trace behind
So thin,
Invisible

All around me people fall
Like soldiers on a battleground
Struck by random bullets
Fired by angry men,
None know the true target,
Their own heart

That door stuck shut and I’m left here
I see no way out
Just a faint light
Stretch out my hands to touch it
You think the light is salvation?
Guess again

I would like to live at the bottom of the sea,
Buried between sand grains
Deep in fantasy.

It

2006-11-01T14:56:00.000Z

It’s only a blank piece of paper
You think.
Not realising the full potential of
Harm it could cause,
Self deprecation,
Doubt
The increased inability to concentrate,
What it all comes to but this one page,
This blank slate,
Challenge
Shouting at me

The expectation,
This blank page challenges me,
Mock,
My inability to carve some words into
Its purity

Simple task you think,
Writing thoughts into paper
Yet hard enough to admit to
My unconscious,
Now I have to wave under the nose of scrutiny,
To you, world,
To take apart,
Mock it,
Me

A number of words multiplied,
Tempting me
Their flawless appearance,
Majestic in their loneliness,
The army of my nightmares,
Defeated tale of wannabe heroes
Massacred
Loose limbs
Zombified stares,
Mass of angry defeatists

The secret lies here,
Within your beauty,
Stark ugliness,
Bare simplicity,
Secrets unlocking
Mysteries,
My composition of light

You are the end to my thirst,
Hunger,
Loneliness,
Neediness

All I know is within you.
Between the spaces of the letters,
Your caresses of steel and thunder,
Strength and power,
Softness and curves,
Calmness,
Your rage
Juxtaposition by one

I trace you along the way,
Memorising each one of you individually,
The same,
Each different in its own way

Holding that missing
Piece of puzzle,
Refusing to separate,
Not quite fitting together.
Pushing and shoving to fit into a box,
That box you all assume,
Society’s line of best fit.

Impact

2006-11-01T14:55:00.000Z

Like a turbulent sea,
Desert storm,
Took over,
Your life.

Harsh,
Loud,
Exuberant,
Hushed sound,
Of your soul.

Smiled,
Danced,
Flirted.
Your pain,
A distant breeze.

Your heart,
Contracting,
Painful childbirth
Of love.

Ungrateful product,
Moments forever
Lost, Your life,
Forgotten.

Your seas,
Calmed over,
Desert storms
Disappeared
Order reinstalled.

Now I fall,
Lost in deep space,
Hopeless,
Suffocating.

Painful impact of
Meteorites colliding,
Exploring,
My insides.

Your smile,
Knowing, mocking.
My smile,
Strained, broken.

Submit

2006-07-24T19:14:00.000+01:00

Don’t talk back,
Bite that tongue,
Keep your opinions
Minimal
If possible keep none at all
In your mind
You have no use for them dear

You mustn’t bother
Starting
A life now,
It’ll only be a chore to
Erase it later

Those memories
You don’t need dear,
Nor these photos,
No point in leaving evidence
Of your past life,
Moments of guilt

You must be an empty canvas,
Reusable,
Low maintenance
Inviting their thoughts
To enter you,
Their physicality
Becomes you,
Their dreams to be
Traced across your body

Age must touch you first
Let it not touch them
Harshly;
Be discreet with knowledge
Pretend ignorance
Your best option

Upon feeling pleasure
Don’t be loud,
A few moans may
Escape
Best to keep quiet
Let them think your satisfaction
Dead

Remember these thoughts dear,
Listen to the next set of rules
Keenly
Nod your head,
Your disagreeing tone won’t be accepted,
Always keep that to yourself,
Only submissive dames get far.

Voice

2006-07-24T19:13:00.000+01:00

Deep inside me
There’s a voice
Now you hear it
Now you
Don’t

Quietly howling
Black rage
You see a smile
Sunshine
Happy days

Internal pain
Dark shadows
Shame
Glossed over

Dirty fingernails
Scrapping
Against flaky skin
Searching

I look away
Reality ignored
Imagination creates
Pure eternity

Your fear
Takes over
Your rejections
Miscalculated blows
Delivering
Precise pain

Deep inside me
There’s a voice
Now I hear it
Now I
Don’t.

Stretching My Imagination

2006-07-11T14:47:00.000+01:00

Stretching
My imagination,
Across your lashes,
Your eyes
A pond.

Perfection cries
Hollowness.
Our mistakes
Bind us.

These cold scars
Across our wrists,
Gripping
Ropes of steel.

Scales form
Across our chests,
Branding our skin
Unclean.

Scars don't wash
With soap,
They grow
Stretch,

Reminders of history
Otherwise lost
In fickle minds
Pushing away,
Anguish.

Decomposed words,
Forming a corpse,
Our poetry
An art
Impersonating
The private strain.

Between these lines
We draw
Our secrets,
Hidden from their gaze.

As they interpret them,
Call them pretty,
They'll never find
The truth.

Disfigured
Moments
Never form
A perfect circle.

A Farce, My Pain

2006-07-11T14:45:00.000+01:00

Sometimes
I wonder
As I put pen to paper,
Will you be sentences
Spelling perfection,
Or smudges across
A page.

Will I hide you
In my secret box,
Ashamed
Of what you may have said.
Blaming the pen
For false starts.

Will you sing to me,
Wake me
With joy,
Because I concealed
You
My truth.

These words
Your essence,
Half lies,
Forming paradox.

I refuse to read you
As I taint this page,
Afraid
Of the truths
I may discover.

What right do I have
Imprinting
My sadness
On you.

Those few
Bitter memories,
I feel
Deeply,
Those smiles
I fear.

My sorrow
Taints you
Longingly.

I shed my skin,
Slowly
Revealing
My abode.

Do you mock my words,
Childishly drawn,
You,
My so called craft.

The cure
I long considered
My last.
Do my worries bother you,

Or do I
Fall
With the rest of
Long stories,
Over-indulgent
Bitter pain,
A farce.

As You Sit Here

2006-07-11T14:42:00.000+01:00

As you sit here
Beside me,
Your arms
Surround my world.

Between
Fluttering lashes
I catch
My breath

Dystopic feelings
Masking
Utopic happiness

I sink
Deep
My secrets
Suffocating

Our happiness
Buried
Inside

Those wings
You gave me
Presents
Unopened

Pandora’s box
Awaiting
My hesitant touch.

I wonder if this is love.

Dreams Lost

2006-06-23T10:04:00.000+01:00

The gentlest touch
Breathing fire into me
Caressing
My insides

Burning ashes
My organs scream
Murder
Music to my ears

Your breath
A hairs' space away
Lifting my spirit
To your heaven

Tied inside me
You caress my dreams
Burning
Spirits of love

Jigsaws solve
Mirthless laughter
Logical confusion
Intertwine besides us

The ground our home
Your touch ignites
Our fires
Sweetest gentle pain

Utopia securely held
Between lashes
Blinking
Reaching out

My fingers
Trembling
Happen upon your life
A chance encounter

Snapping disorder
Lifting veils
Sunshine burns your eyes
Ashes of our heaven reside

Dystopia chases dreams
Between long goodbyes
I leave us behind
Broken, forgotten.

As I Leave You

2006-06-08T11:26:00.000+01:00

Between stolen glanses
I see your soul
Dancing my way
Behind your eyes
A smile falters
Upon your lips
Your touch hesitant
Stealing glances
Across my hips

Your expectations
Dim
Sharing your rejections
I feel your pains,
For a second,
Melting

Let your touch be gentle
Across my battered hips
May your kiss be tender
Caressing my bruised lips
Those proping fingers
Inside my derelict soul

I gladly give you my happiness
All the smiles I collected along the way
The laughter that rocked my body
Let the tears carry me forward
Our pains making bittersweet sounds

My carriage awaits
Don't delay my journey
Fearing the worst
I'll take your pains with me
Your sadness
All of your tears

I pass you heavy
Pregnant on our sorrows
Do you see me leave you
I wonder
Do you see me wave goodbye
Smelling your sweet hair as I float away

Do you see me in deaths hands
Submitting my will
Knowing I left you pure
Rejoicing with our joint happiness

Your last few seconds with me
Pure ecstacy
My last glance at you
Full of sweet
Tender pain.

Innocence

2006-05-21T14:34:00.000+01:00

I don’t like the look of those
Full curves dear,
Giving the impression
Of womanhood
Touching you.

Wear a wide dress dear,
Hide those long legs,
You don’t want imaginations
Going wild
Thoughts of your young limbs
Intertwining.

Those full, red,
Luscious lips
Never to be emphasised
Or look wet.

Your glistening eyes
Looking to the floor.
No one must see,
Into your lustful soul.

Your hair tied back,
Covered with dark shades,
Hiding,
Flowing locks of mahogany.

Keep your voice down dear,
Husky tones giving
Impression of bed talk,
Going wild at
Thoughts of your moans.

Don’t let a sound
Escape those sinful lips,
Lest it creates an impression
Of wanton,
Wet tongue of a maiden.

Smell trailing behind,
Imagining fields of roses,
Inside your ropes.

Keep yourself well wrapped dear,
Don’t give away your game,
Only innocence must shine.

Looking Back

2006-05-21T14:33:00.000+01:00

Wormed your way in
Like a silent siren
You took over,
Spread your tentacles
Internally,
Solid, unmoving
Eternal print of what could have been.

Dancing

2006-05-21T14:32:00.000+01:00

An alien in my own head
A lonesome stranger in my skin
Dancing wildly
To a beat
I, alone, can hear.